Bad news, mirth fans.
I'm on holiday as from tomorrow, so this will be the last door opened on
THE ADVENT CALENDAR OF DOOM *
Had to take my dog to the vet; he'd eaten the Xmas tree decorations,
and he was suffering from (all together now) tinsellitus.
Eye thenk-yew playmates, and have a Merry Xmas!!
* - unless anyone else has a joke they'd like to tell??
It's time once more for me invoke the spirit of Cyril Fletcher off of That's Life, and say "I am indebted to my good friend Justin
for posting this ribbed tickler on Facebook:
Diana Ross tried to jump the queue ahead of me in the supermarket.
I said, "You can't hurry, luv - you've just got to wait."
Esther.....
Phew, that's a relief!
What with this MB being down for a few weeks, I thought when it eventually came back,
we'd have lost all the posts; as has happened a few times.
But no, all the old stuff is here - good news.
And some even better news......I've got a huge backlog of jokes (so what's the good news? - ed.)
Like this ribbed tickler:
Just broke up with my girlfriend, as she hoarded magazines.
We had too many issues.
And this Komedy Klassic:
My pet parrot died yesterday. It'd been ill for a long time;
to be honest, it was a weight off my shoulder.
OK boys & girls, no doubt you'll all need cheering up after last night's woeful performance,
so here is a carefully-selected er......selection of ribbed ticklers to chase the blues away.
Just got an email telling me how to read maps backwards; it was spam (think about it)
I changed my i-pod's name to Titanic; it's syncing now.....
My 4-year old grandson can't say "Thank you" in Spanish; that's poor, for four.
19,502 now; +402 in just one day - something fishy's going on......it's them bots again
Anyway, wasn't it cold this morning?
I had to scrape the ice off the car's windscreen.
I used my supermarket reward card.....managed to get 10% off.
My wife's given me the elbow, because I didn't clean out the coffee machine.
She says it's grounds for divorce.
Great news! After several weeks in hospital, our spiritual leader Tony Blackburn was back on his show this morning, so here, to celebrate is a ribbed tickler
straight off the radio. And they don't come any fresher than that.
There was trouble in my street last night.
The police knocked on my door, they wanted to know where I was between 5 and 11.
I said - at primary school.
A man goes into the jungle, and he sees a monkey with a banana & a can-opener.
He says, "You don't need that to open the banana."
The monkey replies, "Don't be stupid - it's for the custard."
Time for me to once more channel the spirit of Cyril Fletcher out of 'That's Life,'
don my velvet smoking jacket, turn towards the camera, simper (get on with it - ed.) & say those magical words,
I am indebted to Dan Wells (aka dannyboyurs off the old offy mb) for this ribbed tickler
what he put on Facebook yesterday:
I own the oldest gramophone since records began.
It's not plagiarism if you acknowledge your 'sauce' & if you don't like it, complain to Dan.
Newsflash:
Police have confirmed that the man dies after falling from the roof of an 18th floor
nightclub was, tragically, not a bouncer.
Top Tip: Do your bit for carbon capture - fart in a jar.
Heard on the radio yesterday that the funniest joke told at this year's
Edinburgh Fringe has been chosen. And to be honest, it wasn't a patch on any of my ribbed ticklers.
So please welcome back an old favourite, steveqpr881 V the Edinburgh Fringe.
EF funniest joke: Went out with a bloke who was in the big cats section at the zoo;
turned out he was a cheetah.
steveqprr881: My son thinks he's a chicken: Why dont you kick him out?: We need the eggs.
Much funnier, I'm sure you'll all agree.
Thought For The Day:
Is the person who let the cat out of the bag, the same one who let the dogs out??
of ribbed ticklers to chase the blues away.
(think about it)
