Well, I really made the big time on Sunday - got a mention from Tony Blackburn, no less!
A guy called Dermot O'Leary was on in the afternoon, just before Tony B;
he said that Tony would be popping in the studio, and asked for jokes to be sent in.
So I texted in one of my ribbed ticklers, and Dermot read it out, when Tony was in with him.
Tony said I'd sent that to his breakfast show, and Dermot said, "Steve, you've only got one joke."
To which Tony replied, "I found it hilarious, to be honest."
And this was the joke, that Tony Blackburn called hilarious:
My girlfriend said she's leaving me, because of my obsession with horse-racing.
She's at the gate....and she's off!!
Well, it's the 1st day of December - a pinch & a punch etc - & the festive season is well & truly underway;
Felice Navidad, as Josie Felicitano used to say. Haven't heard from her for years, wonder what's she's up to these days??
Anyway, as promised (don't you mean threatened? - ed.) I'm opening the first door on.....
THE ADVENT CALENDAR OF DOOM with this festive and appropriate joke:
Did you hear about the shoplifter who nicked an advent calendar? He got 25 days.
Did anyone hear me on today's Jeremy Vine show?
Not the 1st time I've been on it....when I talk, the world listens!
Anyway, time to open today's door on The Advent Calendar of Doom:
This is the season of office parties, which reminds me - at last year's, when the meal was finished,
the waiter said, "Do you wanna box for the leftovers?"
I said, "No, I'm not a violent man, you have 'em."
And the return of The Burning Question:
Die Hard - IS it a Christmas film??
One more opening of The Christmas Cracker of Doom;
I got this out of a cracker on Xmas Day, sent it to Tony Blackburn & he said it on his
Boxing Day show; with a name-check for yours truly.
Q: Why did the turkey join a band?
A:Because he had the drumsticks.
Time once more to don my velvet smoking jacket & channel Cyril Fletcher off of That's Life to say -
I am indebted to Rs fan Dan Wells (dannyboyUrs off of the old offy mb) for this ribbed tickler, what he put on Facebook:
I've been invited to a combined Burns Night/ Chinese New Year party.
They're calling it a Chinese Burns party.
Wasn't going to go at first, but they twisted my arm.
Esther.....
Time to once more channel the late Cyril Fletcher off of 'That's Life,'
smooth down my velvet smoking jacket (get on with it! - ed.),
turn to camera & simper, "I am indebted to Daniel Wells, aka
dannyboyurs off the old offy m/b, who posted this on Facebook yesterday
- if you acknowledge your 'sauce,' as QBP used to say, then it's not plagiarism
(it'd better be worth it, after this build-up - ed.)
I've just ordered a book off Amazon, "How Not To Be Ripped Off." Only £150!!
And,as it's National Poetry Day, here to celebrate is a poem what I have wrote specially:
I opened my fridge
And what did I see?
My pet budgie
Smiling at me.
Got a backlog of Easter jokes, courtesy of Tony Blackburn
I stepped on a hot cross bun & got an electric shock - a currant ran up my leg.
Went to the doctor, I said I feel like a chocolate Easter bunny;
he said how do you mean? I said hollow inside.
Interesting Fact:
Soul singer Marvin Gaye was born on this day in 1939;
he played drums on Motown's 1st US No. 1, 'Please Mr. Postman,' by The Marvelettes.
And a bonus Interesting Fact (M'sieu, you are really spoiling us!)
The weekend's Chelsea v Burnley game had 51 shots; only 1 Premiership game has had more,
52 in QPR v Leicester, November 2014
I was pulled over in my car by Old Bill yesterday!
The copper said, "Would you blow into this bag please, sir."
I asked him why, he said, "Because my chips are too hot."
Interesting Fact:
Half of the World's bluebells grow in England.
It is an offence to dig them up, punishable by a fine of £5,000 per bulb!
Thought For The Day:
When life gives you anagrams, make melonade.
I don't know if you listen to the Tony Blackburn Show -
eh? what's that? You don't need to, because I tell all his jokes on here -
well that's true, but this morning, Tony told one of mine! And here it is:
With all this warm weather we're having, I b ought a rocket salad yesterday;
but it went off before I could eat it!
Good enough for Tony, good enough for you lot.
Sylvester Stallone has been married twice, but both ended in divorce.
The first marriage was rocky, the 2nd was rocky too......
Top Tip: Kid people you've got jaundice, by adding iodine to your bathwater!
