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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue May 20, 2025 12:55 pm
by steveqpr881
A friend just told me he's taken up judo - that completely threw me!
I tried drag racing, but I couldn't run in high heels. 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Sat May 24, 2025 9:25 am
by steveqpr881
Did anyone hear Tony Blackburn read out one of my ribbed ticklers on today's show??
If you missed it, you can hear it on the BBC i-player, if not here it is:
I went to see my GP because I was covered in spots.
He said I'm allergic to eating jelly, sponge & custard.......
but that diagnosis sounds a trifle rash. 
I heard in the news that Billy Joel has had to cancel all shows, because he has water on the brain.
I know what would sort that out - a tap on the head. 
And an Interesting Fact: (M'sieu, you are really spoiling us!)
Before he found fame with Kajagoogoo, singer Limahl was an extra in Adam & The Ants' video for Stand & Deliver.
Well I Never!
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2025 12:02 pm
by steveqpr881
Nothing for me in the king's birthday honours list. 
Not even an OBE.
Would a knighthood be too much to ask??
Picture the scene - "For services to comedy, (tap tap) arise Sir Steve."
But I'm not bitter and here to prove it is the pick of today's Tony Blackburn Show:
As it's summer, I've started a magazine devoted to ice cream. I've just had my 1st scoop. 
But the only thing I take seriously in newspapers these days, is fish & chips -
& I even take that with a pinch of salt. 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue Jun 17, 2025 11:00 am
by steveqpr881
It's my birthday today, it's also the birthday of a good friend, who's an opera singer.
But I don't know what to buy him - I mean, what can you get for a tenor these days??
Interesting Facts:
A friend sent me a card that had some amazing stats about the year I was born (1955, if you must ask)
In 1955, the average salary was £564 a year (YEAR!), the average house cost £1,937 & a Ford Anglia cost £511.
The world's population was just 2.75billion. 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2025 10:55 am
by steveqpr881
When I heard they'd found a cure for dyslexia, it was like music to my arse..... 
Today is National Chocolate Pudding Day - for once, you'll get no complaint from me.
And here's an Interesting Fact:
Marks & Sparks is now selling strawberry & cream sandwiches!!
Well I never.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2025 10:40 am
by steveqpr881
A religious woman's working in my local pub. She's the best bar none (bar nun, geddit??)
In this heat, I'm growing my own lettuce.
It's dead easy - I mean, it's not rocket science.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Jul 28, 2025 11:18 am
by steveqpr881
Just bought a copy of The Pope's new book. I got it on Papal.
Interesting fact:
The Beatles were the first act to top the UK & US singles and album charts!
With Hard Day's Night.
Wanted, dead or alive - Scrodinger's Cat.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2025 10:22 am
by steveqpr881
It's National Diarrhea Awareness Week - runs until Friday.
Interesting Fact: Glen Campbell played rhythm guitar on Strangers in the Night!
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2025 10:23 am
by steveqpr881
I was in the park, and I gave my pastry to a couple of pigeons -
they ate it all & they were stuffed......well, I always like to fill 2 birds with one scone.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed Aug 13, 2025 11:25 am
by steveqpr881
An inflatable boy went into his inflatable school with a drawing pin.
Later, the headmaster called him into his office & said -
You've let me down, you've let yourself down, you've let the whole school down....