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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2025 12:15 pm
by steveqpr881
I've been a big fan of Motown since an early age....I'd say, 3 - 4 Tops. 
Newsflash: Police are looking for a man wearing a hat made out of coconut & chocolate;
there's a Bounty on his head. 
Thought For The Day:
Every year, there's a Last Night of The Proms; when will they finally mean it?? 
And it's a big day today: not only is it the 80th anniversary of V-J Day,
it's also National Lemon Meringue Pie Day!!!
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2025 9:16 am
by steveqpr881
I've just been beaten up by 3 men with musical instruments!! 
I was hit over the head with a violin, a trumpet & a cornet!! 
Police say it was an orchestrated attack. 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2025 10:28 am
by steveqpr881
My calculator has no x symbol. Times are hard.
I've got some geese for sale. If you're interested, why not take a gander?
And today is International Orang Utan Day!
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2025 10:21 am
by steveqpr881
I went out for a meal last night, and ordered everything in French.
Which surprised everyone....it was a Chinese restaurant!
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2025 9:13 am
by steveqpr881
The Reading Festival's on at the moment.
There are some great bands on the bill this year -
like The Bus Stops - they take requests; and Cat's Eyes - they play middle of the road.
Of course, everyone at the festival needs a tent & a local camping equipment shop was burgled
recently, all their tents were stolen. Police are canvassing for information. 
And a local insurance company has said that, if your tent's stolen at the festival, you won't be covered.... 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2025 10:26 am
by steveqpr881
The wife gets upset when I steal kitchen utensils. But that's a whisk I'm willing to take.
Had an eye test yesterday, the optician said I'm colourblind!
I can tell you, that came as a real bolt out of the purple.
2 monkeys in a bath.
One went, "ooh-ooh-ooh."
The other one said, "Well put some cold water in."
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2025 12:07 pm
by steveqpr881
Aren't traffic lights annoying? Those little green men really make me cross!
I've had a boundary dispute with my neighbour; he's taken offence.....
Thought For The Day: What's the collective noun for a group of hermits??
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2025 10:16 am
by steveqpr881
I told a friend I was making a model of Mount Everest.
He said, "To scale?" I said, "No - just to look at."
My local dog food company has gone bust - they've called in the retrievers.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2025 10:48 am
by steveqpr881
Customer in restaurant: Waiter, this soup is cold.
Waiter: It's gazpacho, sir.
Customer: Gazpacho, this soup is cold.....
Interesting fact:
Port Vale is the only English football team NOT named after a place! there is no 'Port Vale' on the map.
QPR Rhyming Slang: Richard Kone - Sylvester Stallone.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2025 9:21 am
by steveqpr881
I put all my herbs in alphabetical order.....to be honest, I don't know where I find the thyme.
My pencil kept breaking every time I sharpened it,so I threw it away - it was pointless.