Page 16 of 17
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2025 9:28 am
by steveqpr881
I bought an oil painting, but the cat scratched it! 
It's a clawed Monet..... 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Sep 08, 2025 1:24 pm
by steveqpr881
My house is being vandalised!
Yesterday, someone dumped 50 prawn cocktails on the drive -and that's just for starters! 
Today's Interesting Fact:
Today is Star Trek Day! The classic show was first aired on American TV on this day in 1966.
Live long & Prosper!!
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2025 10:08 am
by steveqpr881
My phone accidentally took a picture of my shoe.....I got some good footage 
Just been made redundant from my job at the laundry - I've been hung out to dry!
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed Sep 10, 2025 11:04 am
by steveqpr881
I missed an interesting tv programme about tomato sauce....never mind, I'll see it on ketchup
The Burning Question: Can kestrels fly at night?
Yes, all kestrels manoeuvure in the dark - geddit?? (80s pop reference there, somebody please explain it to kerrins)
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Thu Sep 11, 2025 9:47 am
by steveqpr881
I went to a chippie last night to get a bag of chips.
The woman serving said, "Do you want anything on it?"
I asked, "Is it any extra?" She said no, so I said,
"In that case I'll have a large cod & some mushy peas." 
Top Tip:
If you're choking on an ice cube, just pour boiling water down your throat - that'll save your life. 
Interesting Fact:
Benito Mussolini's great-grandson Romano Mussolini, is a professional footballer for Italian club Cremona.
Naturally enough, he plays on the right wing!
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri Sep 12, 2025 10:43 am
by steveqpr881
I've got the memory of an elephant....I remember seeing one in a zoo, once. 
Interesting Fact:
Darth Vader's lightsaber was recently sold at auction for £2.7MILLION!!!
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Sat Sep 13, 2025 9:44 am
by steveqpr881
A man was in court, accused of stealing a bag.
It only took 10 minutes to convict him - it was a brief case.
I'm trying to organise a Hide & Seek team, but good players are hard to find. 
Top Tip:
Don't waste money on expensive personalised number plates, just change your name by Deed Poll to your car's reg.
Suggested by my good friend, OU56ANW.
Of course, one person who didn't want a personalised number plate was Val Doonican..... 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Sep 15, 2025 9:56 am
by steveqpr881
I've just joined a Yoga club.
It's very exclusive - I had to bend over backwards to get in!
Saw the doc about my my fear of lifts. He suggested a few steps I can take.
Interesting Fact:
When Noni Madueke scored against Serbia, he became the 1st player with all 5 vowels in his name to score for England
since Paul Gascoigne v Moldova in 1997. Well I Never!!!
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2025 10:48 am
by steveqpr881
I was thinking about getting a tattoo, so I rang the local tattoo parlour.
I asked,"Does it hurt?" They said, "Depends on the area."
I said, "I'm in Reading"
Interesting Fact:
North Korea has banned the use of 'westernised' words. 
If you want a burger, you have to ask for a 'dajin-gogi gyeopp-pang!
Which translates as 'double bread with ground beef.'
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2025 11:44 am
by steveqpr881
I saw a burglary in a fabric shop; I reported it to Old Bill, and they said I was a material witness.
Interesting Fact -
and this'll blow your socks off -
You know Trigger in Only Fools & Horses? His real name (in the show, not the actor's name)
was Colin Bell. Well I Never!!