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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2022 9:16 am
by steveqpr881
We say goodbye to an old favourite today, as this is the last U.S. town with an odd name I know of:
there is a town in America called No Name. Reminds me of the song by America, Horse With No Name.
But we say hello to a new feature- favourite bands. Going back to the Four Chops being a butcher's favourite band,
we ask - what was Alfred Hitchcock's favourite band? The Birds! 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2022 10:25 am
by steveqpr881
Bono & The Edge walk into a pub.
The barman says, "Oh no, not you two again." 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2022 10:41 am
by steveqpr881
I was walking down the road, when a man threw some milk, cream, butter & yoghurt at me.
I thought - "How dairy." Then he threw some cheddar at me, I thought - "that's not very mature."
Top Tip:
Kid everyone you've just run the London Marathon, by staggering around the West End
tomorrow afternoon,wearing running gear with a large number on the front, and 3 foot of bacofoil draped over your shoulders. 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Sat Oct 08, 2022 12:13 pm
by steveqpr881
I was in a pub quiz last night.
The question came up, "What was Mud's biggest hit?"
I said, "Tiger Feet?"
He said, "That's right, that's right...…." (one for the oldies)
I swapped my bed for a trampoline.
The wife's not happy....in fact, she hit the roof.
QPR rhyming slang:
Mike Keen - Barry Sheen. eye thenk-yew!
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue Oct 11, 2022 10:25 am
by steveqpr881
I got stung by a bee; it charged me £20 for a jar of honey!
I bought a jumper, but it was full of static.
So I took it back & got another - free of charge.
Where Are They Now?
ex-White City boy, M.P. turned novelist & Rs fan Alan Johnson has just published
a new book, a crime story called "One of Our Ministers Is Missing."
I won't miss any of the current lot!
And an appropriate QPR Rhyming Slang: (M'sieu, you are really spoiling us)
(famous photographer) Youssef Karsh - Rodney Marsh.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2022 12:14 pm
by steveqpr881
Now, in the past I've been accused of plagiarism, but that doesn't apply if you acknowledge your 'sauce'
(copyright qblockpete
) so once again, I channel the spirit of Cyril Fletcher off of That's Life, to say
I am indebted to Brian Dolan on Finding Lost Friends From Shepherd's Bush for today's ribbed tickler:
I'm fed up with people constantly complaining about how expensive things are -
"£2 for a cup of tea, £3 for a coffee, £5 for parking" -
if they don't pack it in, I'm gonna stop inviting people to my house. 
Esther......
Pete Higgs - Ronnie Biggs
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2022 12:18 pm
by steveqpr881
Right, this next ribbed tickler is a guaranteed side-splitter, I road tested it before the Coventry game,
on Steve R (no animals were hurt in the testing of this joke), and he gave it a good reception.
So don't blame me if you don't like it....but it was fresh off that morning's Tony Blackburn Show.
So here goes. I've neglected my allotment recently, and the council's threatening to take it off me;
I think I'm losing the plot. 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri Nov 25, 2022 11:53 am
by steveqpr881
Right, mirth fans, I've got some good news, and some bad news for you.
Let's get the bad news out of the way first:
Check today's date - 25th November; yes, it's ONE MONTH TO CHRISTMAS!!!!
And the good news: today is Black Friday, so it's CHOGOF -
chuckle at one, get one free. Yes, I am really spoiling you.
I've got so many model railways, I've lost track.
And - What's the difference between an alligator & a crocodile?
An alligator will see you later, a crocodile in a while.
Never mind, it'll soon be time for the Xmas Cracker of Doom!!
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Sat Dec 03, 2022 10:24 am
by steveqpr881
JD rang me just now. He said, "Steve, I was annoyed when the neighbour banged on my front
at 3 o'clock this morning! Luckily, I was already up......playing my bagpipes.
And we open today's door on (ominous music, sound of creaky door opening)
The Advent Calendar of Doom.
Why was Cinderella sacked from her football team?
She ran away from the ball. It's topical and Christmassy!
Speaking of football, I'm looking forward to Argentine v Australia, hope fully
another chance to trot out the 'Messi' joke....
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2022 10:45 am
by steveqpr881
Well, it's almost time - this weekend, millions of people will be glued to the TV,to see who's the best in the world.
Yes, today sees the final of Strictly!
Eh? What's that?? Tell us about the football??
Ok, well it'll soon be the last chance for me to crack the Messi joke.
And talking about Lionel, he was injured during the last game, when a fan threw a toilet roll.
No broken bones, just soft tissue injury.
And what, I hear you ask, is behind today's door on The Advent Calendar of Doom?
It's this ribbed tickler:
I asked the wife what she wants for Xmas, and she said "Anything with diamonds in it."
So I bought her a pack of cards. 