Independent Rs Messageboard

[steveqpr881]

I've been a big fan of Motown since an early age....I'd say, 3 - 4 Tops.

Newsflash: Police are looking for a man wearing a hat made out of coconut & chocolate;
there's a Bounty on his head.

Thought For The Day:
Every year, there's a Last Night of The Proms; when will they finally mean it??

And it's a big day today: not only is it the 80th anniversary of V-J Day,
it's also National Lemon Meringue Pie Day!!!

[steveqpr881]

I've just been beaten up by 3 men with musical instruments!!
I was hit over the head with a violin, a trumpet & a cornet!!
Police say it was an orchestrated attack.

[steveqpr881]

My calculator has no x symbol. Times are hard.

I've got some geese for sale. If you're interested, why not take a gander?

And today is International Orang Utan Day!

[steveqpr881]

I went out for a meal last night, and ordered everything in French.
Which surprised everyone....it was a Chinese restaurant!

[steveqpr881]

The Reading Festival's on at the moment.
There are some great bands on the bill this year -
like The Bus Stops - they take requests; and Cat's Eyes - they play middle of the road.
Of course, everyone at the festival needs a tent & a local camping equipment shop was burgled
recently, all their tents were stolen. Police are canvassing for information.
And a local insurance company has said that, if your tent's stolen at the festival, you won't be covered....

[steveqpr881]

The wife gets upset when I steal kitchen utensils. But that's a whisk I'm willing to take.

Had an eye test yesterday, the optician said I'm colourblind!
I can tell you, that came as a real bolt out of the purple.

2 monkeys in a bath.
One went, "ooh-ooh-ooh."
The other one said, "Well put some cold water in."

[steveqpr881]

Aren't traffic lights annoying? Those little green men really make me cross!

I've had a boundary dispute with my neighbour; he's taken offence.....

Thought For The Day: What's the collective noun for a group of hermits??

[steveqpr881]

I told a friend I was making a model of Mount Everest.
He said, "To scale?" I said, "No - just to look at."

My local dog food company has gone bust - they've called in the retrievers.

[steveqpr881]

Customer in restaurant: Waiter, this soup is cold.
Waiter: It's gazpacho, sir.
Customer: Gazpacho, this soup is cold.....

Interesting fact:
Port Vale is the only English football team NOT named after a place! there is no 'Port Vale' on the map.

QPR Rhyming Slang: Richard Kone - Sylvester Stallone.

[steveqpr881]

I put all my herbs in alphabetical order.....to be honest, I don't know where I find the thyme.
My pencil kept breaking every time I sharpened it,so I threw it away - it was pointless.